No idea

Why is it that I only blog when I'm tied down studying? Is it cos I'm trying to procrastinate from the inevitable boredom that accompanies the textbook? Or is it cos my mind starts exploring those thoughts deep down inside, that get masked by the hectic schedule that is, work, gym, dance and study?

I'm not really sure what the answer to the question is, but during the last few weeks, when I've tried to really start focussing for the exam, I've just reflected on a few things...

Now that I'm reaching the stage when quarter-life crisis kicks in, I've started to think about what I really want in the future..career, investment options, friendships, relationships, etc. It's hard cos everytime I even think about defining one of those areas, I get drawn back to the need to study.

I just feel frustrated at the moment, about the fact that I'm plodding along on a daily basis, without any real focus for the long-term.

Anyways, enough rambling for tonight. I'm out..

This point in time..

Refer to below post. A few months later and things are still status quo..stuck in this never-ending cycle.

- Unsettled -

As I sit here trying to push myself to study, I get distracted...So many things are going through my mind, but none of which mean anything to me. They say that everything comes in cycles, but I didn't expect the way that I'm feeling to be coming around that quickly.

The feeling of emptiness, the desire to do nothing, the lack of motivation to succeed, and the loss of passion for the things and people I love. I thought my holiday would rejuvenate me, but that has not happened. What is it that's missing in my life at the moment? Do I need a new interest? A new goal I can strive for?

I’ve noticed that the word “quit” has been creeping into my vocabulary the last couple of years, something which before then, was unknown to me. But recently, this thought has appeared again and again in everything I do - CA, work, dance et al….

I hate feeling this way, so I’m hoping that someone or something will give me the strength and motivation I need…

Malaysia Part 2 - KL

With no more wedding duties and most of my shopping done in Penang, KL was the place to party…

Steamboat
The first weekend in KL was another huge family reunion, and we did what we always do best..and that’s EAT! Enduring the heat of the kitchen and with the fans blowing full blast, we celebrated with a steamboat dinner.



Clubbing
Just like the good ol’ days, except this time we had 2 special guests, Su Lynn and Eileen. Dancing with you again was a privilege and something that I will cherish for a long, long time. Who knows when the next time will be, when we can rock da floor together again?



In his usual fashion, Derrick engaged in a battle against the locals. Similar to the encounter between David and Goliath, they needed three of them to even provide him with a challenge. And most of the time, they would be biting moves from U Got Served. How original?

Karaoke
On my last day in KL, it was a Flare reunion like no other. It’s been such a long time since the “oldies” outnumbered the “newbies”. But on this occasion, there were 3 “Footnotes” dancers, compared to the 2 from “Rhythmicity”. It was great not being the oldest for once *someone glaring at me*. A big thank you to Jinnee, Grace, Derrick and Joon, who were willing to travel all the way to Subang to see me one last time. I had to have a karaoke session, which only cost RM10 for 3hrs of fun and a buffet lunch. We sure did make a few people deaf , but hell, we had a lot of fun doing it…from Bon Jovi classics to the Pussy Cat Dolls, and our “sexy” rendition of the lyrics and dance moves. Having these guys around really made me realise how much I miss them, and how much fun we used to have together. Let’s hope that we can share this moment again in the future.



After 2.5 weeks of celebrating, eating, shopping and partying, I was totally exhausted. It felt as if I needed a holiday to recover from my holiday. Before I go, I must thank all my family members who welcomed us once again, the 3 lovely dancers, and a special mention to Derrick and Jojo, who were my chauffeurs and accomodaters (if that’s a word). This has been the most rewarding holiday I’ve had in a long time. I even got to try Klang Bah Kut Teh….

Malaysia Trip Part 1 - Penang

Wedding
The purpose of this trip was for my cousin's wedding, where I had to fulfill best-man duties. As soon as we hit Penang, it started. I was briefed on the events for the following three days of celebration - the tea ceremony, the negotiations required to see the bride, the wedding speech, and the scheduling of the performances. In addition to that, I had to coordinate the arrival of the dancers from Flare Dance, who are now internationally renowned :p Thanks to ness, XY and jojo, who travelled from as far as Singapore to make it to this event. You guys were the bomb and definitely did not disappoint. After not dancing together for 3 months, we only needed one rehearsal the night before the gig to put it together.



However, the celebrations were hampered by a planned theft that occurred when the power was deliberately shut off. We were sitting right next to the table it happened at, and didn't even notice.

Reality TV
If you thought Flare only had one TV star amongst its ranks, you're wrong! In the 5 days I was in Penang, I managed to get myself on Malaysian TV too :P I performed a dance "demonstration" (wearing Flare tshirt of course..so international exposure for the group) for a new reality TV show that will be aired on channel TV3 from 24 Feb 2007 (7pm every Saturday). A relative of mine is starting her own dance school in Penang as part of the Nescafe Big Break competition, and so I joined in on the fun (which was recorded for TV!!!). Please give her all your support and wish her the best of luck for her new dance school, Lets Dance!.

Two Worlds Apart

During my brief 2-week stay in the place I call "home", I contemplated, more than ever, the possibility of me being able to live there, and the chance that I might actually move back some time in the future. Would I survive the long working hours? The constant heat? The language barrier, although my hokkien improved? The not-so-developed infrastructure?

But what was it that I was attracted to?

I think the most important factor would have to be the people back there. This trip has made me realise how special you are to me. I could not have been treated any better. Could it be the oily, but mouth-watering food? (At $1.50 per plate, you eat till you go silly). Or maybe the fact that I feel more comfortable there; a place where where I belong, and not get looked down upon cos of the colour of my hair or my skin.

A thought that has never crossed my mind until now: should I stay or should I go? As I suffer from the effects of withdrawal, I remain torn between two totally different worlds.

The final countdown (updated)

• 12 days till I get to rest :p
• 11 days till it's time to PARTY!!!!
• 10 days till Xmas holidays
• Division Xmas party
• CA exam
• Great Victorian Bike Ride
• Organise my cousins' wedding entertainment
• Organise my division Xmas party
• 2nd mock exam
• Last CA focus session
• Last internal CA class
• 1st mock exam

Why am I commiting myself to so many things again? You'd think I would have learnt by now. I completely understand you Joon.

Lets just hope I get through this to see the new year (without having to pay $500 for a supplementary exam) :p

*17/11* Arrghh, my studies are coming along so slowly. Been so tired after work that I can't stay awake while studying. What do I do?

*21/11* My 1st mock exam does not look too promising. Reviewed the answers and realised that I had raised only half of the points that were required. I guess it's a consolation that it was a good attempt, considering I hadn't revised any material from the first time I saw it some 2 months ago. I'll find out on Friday whether or not I passed this one :p

*4/12* Just came back from the Great Vic Bike Ride, where I had so much fun. Will be dedicating a whole blog about it after my exam. The highlights included conquering all the hills, winning the talent quest with a hiphop dance act (which made us famous), and consequently, being reported about in The Age. http://www.theage.com.au/news/national/sight-for-sore-eyes-and-respite-for-sore-bottoms/2006/12/03/1165080818740.html. To view a short clip of the dance routine, click http://youtube.com/watch?v=c3fFE0BVV8w. Now back to reality, and I must study my ass off for my CA exam.

Unforgettable Quotes

I know we can create a book with these...but here is a list of what I remember. I'm sure most of you will know who said what.

1. You drink water, like water.....(the most famous quote)
2. Hey, how many toes does a human foot have?
3. You know, they can smoke salmon, so they can also smoke maltesers.
4. I can retire soon, cos I rely on other people....I suck them dry!
5. You (sister) can do him, and then he can do her.
6. I haven't had a haircut since the last time I cut my hair.
7. I'm making lamb tonight...OINK!
8. A sleeping bag without a bag is just a SLEEPING..
9. I'm a nerd by day, dancer by evening, philosopher by night, and nutcase all the time
And the associated controversy:
kel: Guess who??
jojo: most prob gracey =)
jumbo:cannot be...must be someone more nut...i wonder WHO...donut.
gracey: ahem jo. pot calling kettle black. tsktsk. =P
gracey: why would i call myself a nutcase??? uh huh..who me, yes you, couldnt be, then who?
jel: *bimbotic huh???*
jojo: nutters stick together. in this crazy world.
shar: stuck together by peanutbutter
10. Context: Shar has just said that she might get a Honda Jazz soon, and Am said, "I wanna be different, and get a RAV4." Then this particular person says, "oh yar, it's more expensive cuz it's 4 wheel...." :s (No prizes for guessing who said this)
11. Girl to guy: I wanna head you
12. This drink tastes like Ribena with spunk in it.

And to sum it all up, she came up with this gem:
"I'm NOT stupid, I'm just not too smart!"

That's all folks :p

The Art of Change

In Lewin’s model of change, there are 3 phases that one goes through: un-freezing, transitioning and re-freezing.

A basic tendency of people is to seek a context in which they have relative safety and feel a sense of control. However, there always comes a time when a person is required to ‘unfreeze’ from their comfort zone.

This journey of change is never simple and the person may need to go through several stages of misunderstanding before they get to the other side. Transitioning requires time and is usually difficult for the individual. The hardest part is to start; even when a person is unfrozen and ready for change.

At the end of the journey, the final goal is to 'refreeze' by establishing calm and stability.

Having said all this, 2006 has been my biggest year of change so far...a change in lifestyle (the start of work), a change in social group (with people coming and going), a change in motivations (or the lack of), and a change in interests. Despite each being quite distinct, they are all inter-connected.

It has taken me so long to ‘unfreeze’, as I have been holding onto the past, something which has provided me with so much joy over the years. Being in denial that things do not need to change only makes the journey tougher and longer. Change is not an easy thing, change often instils fear in the best of us.

I have spent many hours thinking of why I feel particular ways towards certain people, things and situations. And I can attribute them all to CHANGE. I think I’ve reached the transitioning stage of change relating to the things mentioned above. This journey has definitely not been easy, and trying to find stable ground is not yet within sight. I still encounter misunderstandings within myself, volatility in moods, and the prospect that many aspects of my life are still uncertain. Many of you thought that my post on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 “So many things remain unexplained...” was a very random post. However, after reading this, I hope you’ve gained insight as to why I might have written that four months ago.

I know that a lot of you are undergoing your own form of change, whether it be transitioning from uni to work, moving from Melbourne to home, or undertaking new responsibilities. But you must remember that it is perfectly normal to feel the way that you do – lost, upset, de-motivated, uncertain, scared or even angry – as these are the result of CHANGE. So, the best plan of attack that I keep reminding myself is, to embrace it and to enjoy every single moment of the journey.