Cliches

- Everything happens for a reason!
- What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger!

I hope these are true......

(haha...my shortest post ever!!!)

The Great Expectation

When it comes to how we perceive things in life, expectations play a key role in this. How do we know if we have done well, or if things are good or bad? It all comes down to the level of expectation.

A typical example is a movie. If you walk into a cinema not knowing what the film is about and what special effects it might have, then you might be pleasantly surprised at the end. Recently, I went to watch a film called Russian Dolls. At first, I had no idea that it was mainly spoken in French, and secondly, it was an arty sort of film that I would not usually go for. By the end of it, I thought that the way the story line was told was quite clever and despite it not being my thing, it was surprisingly enjoyable. On the other hand, had I gone into Deuce Bigalow 2 expecting it to be the best comedic experience of my life, I would have been bitterly disappointed.

Expectations can also apply to oneself. While studying at university, you place expectations on yourself to achieve certain results. These can stem from intrinsic or extrinsic motivation. If your expectations are too high, then you will be constantly under pressure to perform well. This sort of pressure can often lead to a breakdown, but on the contrary, it can also provide the kick-in-the-butt that you need while at uni.

Finally, you can have expectations of other people, whether it applies to friendship or more importantly, in a relationship. This relates to the amount of effort both parties are putting into the relationship. Other expectations in a relationship might include a goodnight call/kiss every night, open communication, time spent together, and constant re-affirmation of love. If one party is constantly trying to organize time with the other, without reciprocation, there are different levels of expectations in play. Consequently, this can lead to conflicts about commitment to each other, with one party often feeling short-changed. If expectations of your partner are high, then you will only be delivered disappointment when they are not fulfilled. If you DO NOT expect your partner to do anything, then disappointment will never be an issue. But do you really want to be in a relationship where there are no expectations of each other? No guide as to how you should act?

This issue of EXPECTATION has been constantly explored by me over the last couple of years, and more recently, in the last few weeks. In the past, I have set very high expectations of myself in whatever I do, whether it be karate, dance or university/school. As a result, the pressure I placed on myself was immense. Despite this, I would not change any of it, because during that time, it really brought out the best of me. This was the case until recently, where I lowered my expectations of certain aspects of my life…of myself and of other people. Not sure if it was caused by disappointment or some other factors. But the point is, I don’t like the way that it’s heading. By lowering expectations, I am actually degrading myself and the friendships/relationships I have developed. I WANT to revert to the same level that I had once achieved, but there is one thing stopping me…fear…the fear of being disappointed again. I guess the best solution is to take a balanced approach, and one that will maintain my integrity, but also avoid huge disappointment in the future.

A little thing called trust

Most of you would agree that money can almost buy you anything. However, no amount of money can ever buy a little thing called trust. Trust by definition, is the “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone” and “one in which confidence is placed” (Merriam-Webster).

No price can be placed on one’s character, ability, strength or truth. Instead, this can only be determined by the experiences that we share with other people. Through time, we learn about different types of people, and how each of them will act. Although this can form sometimes incorrect generalisations, it is not until you place TRUST in someone that you can really tell what they are like. When it comes to deciding whether or not you should place trust in someone, it’s a bit like fishing. You use certain bait to reel in the fish that you desire. When you are seeking someone to trust, initially, you will trust them with information that is sensitive (bait) but not catastrophic if leaked. From there, you use judgement about the trustworthiness of a person’s character. This can be a long and tedious task, if someone requires many “tests” before being approved, or it can be quite quick, if a person has a trusting character.

TRUST is about placing confidence in someone. Someone you know that will keep your secrets; someone you know that will not use this knowledge to betray you; someone you know that will offer you advice; and someone that will share the best and worst moments of your life. Whenever trust is placed in someone new, they start with a “full bar of trust”. The moment that a person deviates from any of the above, their trustworthiness value (not price) diminishes, and it is something that money cannot buy. Deviation causes doubt, a reduction in the communication of sensitive information, and if below the minimum satisfactory level in the “bar of trust”, total communication shut-off.

How many times have you heard someone say, “don’t tell xxx I told you this, but they said blah blah”? Is that not a BREACH of trust of the other party? How will you be assured that this same situation won’t happen to you if you trust the same person?

TRUST is a very tricky issue. There have been many times in my life where I have misjudged who to trust. I have let certain people into my life who have used everything they know about me to highlight my weaknesses, and to manipulate the way I think. Others have caused minor breaches of trust which have made me reconsider how much I tell them.

Is there anyone out there (apart from my family) who has the ability to retain a “full bar of trust” and someone whom I can TRUST my life with?

The year that was 2005

That concludes my summary of the year 2005. In just under 6000 words, I've tried to squeeze as much detail as possible to describe and give you an insight of what I've done and accomplished during the year. Hopefully most of you haven't fallen asleep by this stage :p

I'd just like to thank everyone for making 2005 the most enjoyable, challenging, and rewarding year of my life. Looking back, I can't believe the amount of stuff that's happened and I owe it to you guys. Thank you to those who have gave me their full support in whatever goals I chose to chase. Bring on 2006!!!

The Best Christmas Present

No fancy gifts. No extravagant Christmas party. No Santa climbing down the chimney.

In fact, the best Christmas present I received was the presence of my aunt and cousin from Malaysia. It’s been a long time coming for my little cousin to visit the Land Down Under but the time had finally arrived. In the 2 weeks she was here, I can’t believe how much of Melbourne we managed to squeeze in for her. For that period of time, I also put on my tourist hat, and we went around taking photos in places that I usually wouldn’t.

Melbourne is such an awesome place! I think most of us take it for granted, as we carry on with our daily routine. It’s no wonder why it was voted the Most Livable City 2 years ago.

City Sight Seeing
As we walk along the streets of the city, with our heads bowed down, or deep in conversation with a friend, we are missing some of the most amazing buildings. It was only when I went around with my cousin, that I realized this. Apart from landmarks such as Flinders St Station, the new Spencer St Station, and Federation Square, we also saw antiquated churches and cathedrals, the National Museum (which I never knew existed) and the Old Melbourne Gaol….all within the city precincts. It was definitely an eye-opener for me to observe my surroundings a bit more closely.




Crown Casino and Southbank
Crown is a place not to be missed. We went there to watch the Christmas lights display they had on and then walked around visiting some shops (even though it was totally out of our price range). Unfortunately, we didn’t get the chance to eat at the infamous Greco’s. This was followed by a walk along Southbank and then to the Exhibition Centre. My cousin thought the exterior design of that building was actually quite unique.

Melbourne Zoo
NO…we do not have kangaroos and koalas in our backyards. But, we do have them at the Zoo, so this was a must-do thing for my cousin. An added bonus, was that she got to see penguins too, which saved us a 3-hr car ride to and from Phillip Island just to see the little creatures.

Melbourne Aquarium
Monsters of the Deep have invaded Melbourne. Well, at least at the Aquarium that is. There were stingrays, huge grey nurse sharks, starfish, turtles, jellyfish and an array of colourful fishes. We found out that when male sharks are attracted to ones of the opposite sex, they tend to bite them, as a sign of affection. Hmm…that’s something to think about fellas. However, the biggest, and I mean biggest attraction was the World’s Only Giant Frozen Octopus. Check it out for yourself below.



Universities
Melbourne is also the host of 2 internationally renowned universities, Melbourne and Monash. Because of that, my cousin really, really wanted to have a walk around. I guess it would just be like me visiting Harvard or Oxford if I was in those countries. Anyway, my brother and I showed her the hot photo-taking spots for our respective unis, which made her happy :p It was something she could take home and brag about to her friends.

Christmas Lights
Something that I guess is not experienced in Malaysia is people decorating their houses for Xmas. After a quick Google search, I managed to find a list of places that had the best Xmas light decorations. A few nights were dedicated to this adventure, as we tried to hunt down the best house in Melbourne. Unfortunately, we didn’t have time to travel to the supposed best houses in Vermont and Canterbury, but we did manage to find some nice ones.



Mornington Peninsula
Even though we have hit summer, my relatives would beg to differ (excluding New Year’s Eve, which was the hottest December day in so many years). Despite that, we all went for a day trip along the east coast, to Mornington Peninsula. Our lunch stop-off was at Nepean Country Club, where the oldies prepared the BBQ while the young ones indulged in some table tennis and canoeing. After a fly-induced lunch of chicken wings with flies, hot dogs with flies and salad with flies, we hit the pool for an afternoon swim.

On the way back to Melbourne, we made a few stops are various look out points and just viewed with awe at the scenery that was before us. Blueish-green clear waters, filled with wind surfers, swimmers splashing around and the golden sand stretching around to encase the water.

World Karate Championships

Date: November 2005

How fast does 4 years pass by? It only seemed like yesterday, when I was preparing for my 1st World Championships in Perth; first year uni was ending, I had made a bunch of new friends, training at least 4 times a week and I had not started dancing yet.

4 years on and the feelings of stress, fatigue and excitement had been rekindled, as preparation for the Championships in Holland was quite intensive for me. It wasn’t the fact that karate training took up a lot of my time, in fact, I would admit that I was quite under-prepared this time round. However, it was the combination of completing uni, dance commitments and the mental battles that took place, that really caused the fatigue.

After what was an exhausting and rushed swotvac and final exam period, I flew off to Holland the day official exams started, with an attitude that I could not change the past, and tried to maintain positive. Being stuck in a foreign country, where there was a limited source of support, and feeling weary from the long flight and post-exam period, it was extremely difficult to stay positive. The only saving grace was a good luck card written by friends and the phone calls from loved ones at home. Without these, I would have been an absolute wreck, and might have received more bruises than I did :p

Some Victorians from the Aussie team in front the Rotterdam bridge


The Australian team arrived in Rotterdam, Holland on Tuesday after 24 hours of flying, and after a few hours rest, we were summoned for a light training session. This was a great chance to meet the other Aussie karatekas from interstate. It was an awesome feeling to have the whole Aussie contingency in the same room for the first time.

Wednesday and Thursday were very similar: 6am wake up call, 7am breakfast, 9am squad training for a couple of hours, 12noon get back to hotel and shower, and 1pm onwards was free time.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday were competition days. The kids took to the arena on Friday, and we were represented very well, with 5 of them from our club getting medals. Saturday was my first day of competition, and it was one that I would like to forget. My first event was demonstration (kata), which is usually my pet event. It basically involves performing a set routine of attacks and defenses. Despite having done the routine 100’s of times during practice and at other competitions, I still stuffed it up. I donno why, but there are a few explanations: not used to the mats, tiredness that day, loss of concentration, lack of spirit!!!! I was quite pissed at myself. I had plummeted from 9th in the World at the last championships, to getting knocked out in the 1st round. What a disappointment, not only to myself, but also my coach, teammates and country!!!

I guess things couldn’t have gone worse than that. And from there, I made a promise to myself that my fighting the next day would make up for that disgraceful performance. I had a long, hard think that night about what I was doing, and where I was going with karate. I could have easily taken the weak option and not care about my fighting, but that would only be cheating myself; cheating me of all the years of training I’ve had, the early Sunday training sessions throughout the year and most important of all, cheating myself of who I am. For those that know me, I don’t put in a half-assed attempt. It’s either all or nothing. That’s just the why I’ve been and I hope to remain that way.

Sunday was definitely a brighter day for me. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I knew that it was nearly over..only one more day of competition. By this stage, my brain was at “low battery” and I had to muster every last little bit of energy to feed my arms and legs so that they were fast enough to evade and attack. As I entered the ring, I could feel the aura of the crowd. Looking up at the stands, all I saw was a sea of green and gold with flashes of the Australian flag, and I also heard the distinct cry of my name. If I felt lethargic, it was all forgotten at that moment in time. The sensation of representing my country, the crowd, the adrenalin of the fight and the sound of the final buzzer... I still remember seeing the final 10 seconds of the fight count down, and the draining feeling of relief (as if bricks had been lifted off my shoulders), when the sweet sound of the buzzer went off. The icing on the cake was the podium presentation of our medals. Another Aussie won gold, so we were up there (Gold and Bronze for Australia) on the podium singing the national anthem. This was one of the most patriotic and proudest moments of my life. I don’t think I will ever get that opportunity again. It is definitely something that money can’t buy, and I will look back on it when I’m old and frail, and remember forever.

Gold and Bronze Medalists for Australia



Monday was spent doing a technical seminar with the grandmaster of our style. We trained for nearly 4 hours, learning from the best. This guy is nearly 60, but I’m sure he can still whoop my ass. The rest of the day was spent traveling around Rotterdam.

Tuesday was HOME TIME! We had to wake up at 5am for early breakfast and then head off to the airport, which was an hour bus ride. HOME SWEET HOME!!! There’s no better place than home!

Eating Burger King at KLIA before our 7-hr from KL to MEL

Home Sweet Home!

Final Univeristy Exams

Date: 3rd & 4th November 2005

It’s been 5 long years and 36 exams later, I have finally completed my undergraduate tertiary education. What a relief, but at the same time, there is a feeling of disorientation. As the focus shifts from study to work, there are so many uncertainties (even though I have a job lined up), and I’m just a little ant in the open world.

Anyway, back to my final exams. I needed to push forward my exams to the week during swotvac, as I was heading off to Holland the following week. This was not the ideal fashion I intended to complete my final exams. Because of this, I needed to start my cramming sessions 2 weeks before everyone else, while also completing my Industrial Project, marking assignments and training for karate. To make it worse, apart from the intensity of my cramming, I needed to complete my exams in a tiny little consultation room in the Commerce building all by myself. I know I might sound geeky, but the whole exam experience should encompass the pre-exam stress period when you’re doing final revision with friends outside the REB, and also the post-exam discussion about how hard it was…etc. Instead, my final exam was one that I could not fully complete, nor did I fully understand how to answer the questions. It would have been one of the worst exams that I have completed in my 5 years. What a way to finish!! Anyway, it’s all over now, and there’s no point reflecting on “should have”, “would have” and “could have”. In the end, I managed to get an OK mark for that subject and I have now officially graduated (minus convocation).

Industrial Project

Date: July – November 2005

As part of my degree, all students need to undertake a semester of Industrial Project. What happens here is that for one semester, a group of 6 of us, are assigned a real-life client, in which we have to develop an IT-related solution to their business problem.



Our client was CCREID, a clinical research centre that specialized in infectious diseases, and our mission, team eMinence, was to create an organizational website and logo for them. Although the actual task was not difficult, the majority of our time was spent analyzing and documenting the progress of the project. Just to give a rundown on the workload that was required: 3 weekly meetings (client, team and mentor), weekly updates of team website, documentation of all meetings, development of various project documentation (charter, project plan, testing reports) and website design. All this equated to at least 15 hours of work each week.

Luckily for me, I had an awesome group of people that I worked with. Each of us had our unique strengths, and I think I couldn’t have asked for a more cohesive group. There will always be bickering in a group situation, but I think it was mitigated quite well. This was reflected in our final mark, the client’s final website (which gets an average of 300 hits/week) and logo, and most important of all, client satisfaction. Team eMinence…what more can I say? :p

My Poor Students...

Date: August – November 2005

At the start of the year, I wanted to give myself new challenges, as I felt the need to be pushed. One of these was to become a tutor at uni. The opportunity arose when I received an email asking for interest in tutoring Information Systems subjects. I had performed relatively well in this particular subject, and it was one that I really enjoyed and thought was practical. After a brief interview, I had been appointed a lab instructor for this subject (there aren’t tutorials, only labs).

My decision to pursue this has given me one of the most rewarding experiences at uni. Working with the head lecturers, it gave me their perspective on how subjects should be taught, and I was also able to contribute by discussing how currents behave/think. More than that, it gave me satisfaction to think that I was helping these kids get through their uni life. My duties included supervising lab classes, attending weekly meetings, and marking assignments and exams. I fully recommend anyone thinking of tutoring to go ahead with it. Other than the good pay, I believe that it is justly gratifying.

Flare Dance presents Limelight 2005

Date: October 2005

I had told myself that last year’s production, Rhythmicity, was going to be my last, as I needed to concentrate on training for karate this year. However, I am so glad that I decided against that idea. Life without dance would have been unbearable, as most of you can see when I’m trying to sit still. It just doesn’t happen…

The Flare experience just keeps on getting better every year, this being my third. This can be attributed to the ever-lasting friendships that I’ve developed throughout the production preparation process. For eight months, 2 or 3 nights per week, we are dedicating our time to a common goal.

The icing on the cake was the reception we received for the production. A few days before opening night, we had declared it a FULL HOUSE for 2 out of our 3 performances. This was something a performer always dreams about and for us, it had come true.

What a way to finish!! With the reality that I will be completing uni this year, I know that this will be probably be my last production for Flare. It is the one thing that I will miss about uni. Once I start work, everything is unknown. I will not know when I can leave the office, as this depends on the workload and deadlines, and I will not know if I’ll even be in Melbourne during production week. So although it is with sad realization that I may never experience being in a production again, I get to take away with me 3 year’s worth of unforgettable memories (and stress).

For more photos, click here